I was brave. It didn’t work

We were at another basketball tournament this weekend. Go figure.

At our particular school we have two sets of glass double doors leading into the shrine, I mean, the school gymnasium. There was a momentous moment where I saw G’s ex-wife heading into the school through the double doors on the right. We were heading out to the parking lot and hadn’t yet picked a door to walk through.

In the past I would have been tempted to walk out the door on the left.

This time I bee-lined for the door on the right. It was time to be brave. https://youcandothis.blog/2020/02/27/someday-im-gonna-be-brave/

We met at the doorway. She looked up at G, smiled, and said “hello.” I braced myself for some steely, yet magnanimous eye contact, a customary greeting that would lead to a life long friendship, and perhaps even a winning smile.

She wouldn’t look at me. She completely ignored my existence. She didn’t answer my “hello.” She just looked past me and kept walking.

This was followed up the next day with her once again ignoring my presence. She walked up to G and started talking to him like I wasn’t anything more than a paltry, insignificant piece of fluff off an old hat that has been left in the bottom of the coat closet.

By the end of the weekend I was rather unbalanced. Which is to say I was yelling and crying and somewhat irrational. I don’t usually yell at G. Make that twice in our whole existence. But for some reason him not unlocking the truck doors and making me stand in the cold prompted a rather strong reaction on my part. It was at this point I realized that perhaps I need a bit of outside help with this one.

I’m going to go talk to a friend/therapist this week. I know I can’t change G’s ex-wife, but I can figure out why it hurts me so much to be treated like I have leprosy.

In the meantime, I’m going to keep being brave. I’m gonna keep saying hello.

H

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

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