Self Care=New Hair

I almost murdered someone at the grocery store yesterday. People weren’t putting their carts away! There was no one to carry out my groceries into the horrible sludgy snow that makes it impossible to even push your cart halfway across the parking lot! ( Might be the reason for my prior grievance but that doesn’t matter..) There were people everywhere and smarmy sales dudes trying to sell me some gimmicky massager and suddenly everyone was calling and texting me needing me to do one. more. thing. And that horrible song was playing. You know the one: ” 🎶 It’s the most wonderful time of the year! 🎶”

I hate that song. That song needs to die and never be resurrected.

If you’re a mom and you have any size of family, let alone a family of eight, you know that Christmas is not the most wonderful time of the year. It is the busiest, most demanding, most overwhelming time of the year. And a grocery store full of people just might be the place where you finally can’t take it anymore. “I don’t care if people want eggnog and chips! And I don’t care if we suddenly we need toothpaste and cough medicine and cat food! Get it yourself! I’m done! I’m out!”

You should probably text this quietly though and not yell it in the store. People look at you funny when you start ranting at the milk.

We have a birthday in our family on the 23rd of this month and without fail I forget. The poor kid is so neglected. I barely pulled off a party and I had forgotten to get a cake. My husband was one of my numerous phone calls which I wasn’t handling well. Our rather short and dicey conversation ended with him getting a cake. See above paragraph(s) for reference.

In the middle of the madness I decided I was going to take some me time and do something I’ve been thinking about for a while now. I brushed out some of my dreadlocks and now I have a glorious mix of conventional hair (extensions because who are we kidding, I have the same exact amount of hair as a newborn) and beautiful, rebellious dreadlocks.

I was laying in bed talking to G about the decision to brush out some or all of my locs, and the amount of emotion that came up surprised me. He asked me why I was reluctant to remove them, and what they represented to me.

“Freedom” was my spontaneous response, followed by a flood of tears.

I decided to loc my hair six and a half years ago. While I’ve always thought that locs were beautiful, there was a deeper meaning to mine.

For me, they were a stepping stone in my journey of finding the courage and strength to break away from a marriage and a life that I could no longer live. They felt like a fortress or a shield to me. They helped me become free of the fear of what other people thought about me. After all, a white girl walking around with a head full of dreadlocks, complete with colourful beads and feathers and whatnot, isn’t really going to give much of a s*** ( sorry mom) about what you say, and you’re probably going to be too intimidated by this odd person to say anything to her anyway. It’s funny how that works, but its definitely the reality that I found. The thing is, I have had so many women say to me “oh I love your hair! I wish I could do that, but I couldn’t possibly. I’m not brave enough. People would stare at me or think I’m weird.”

So let them stare. Let them think what they wish.

Be you. Just be you.

It’s so freeing to let go of everyone else’s expectations for you and your life and your appearance, and be who you want to be. It takes great courage, but it’s worth it.

Also, I found this on pintrest and thought it was a really valid point.

Merry Christmas you guys! Enjoy the holidays and have a glass of wine, you deserve it after all those trips to the grocery store. You’re a true hero.

Don’t forget over the holidays to take time for you. And don’t forget to be you. Just you. Not someone else’s expectations or requirements of you. You will be so much happier being authentically you, because freedom is found in being who you were created to be.


Photo by Allie Smith on Unsplash

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