I’ve had kaumbucha two days in a row now. I actually like the way it tastes and it makes me feel all healthy and stuff. I’m still recovering from my accident and trying to take care of myself…ish.
Anyway, here I am trying to practice self care with ridiculously expensive beverages in trendy bottles, but there have been unforeseen results that I would rather not be dealing with. Not only do I tilt my head to the side all the time from the whiplash (like a cute and questioning puppy..) but now I look like I’m about 5 months pregnant.
So maybe we as a society should rethink this whole “recovery” deal. I’m not into looking 5 months pregnant. It makes me really, really crabby.
Another fun fact about today. It would have been my 20 year wedding anniversary.
This hit me at work this morning. I work for the local humane shelter and was trying, as I usually do, to get just about anything done with 15 cats in my personal space. I went to enter information about what cat needs what vaccinations into the computer and realized the date.
August 21, 2019.
It kinda hit me. I didn’t really know what to do with it. I really didn’t know how to feel about it.
Like how do you process the fact that you’ve been divorced for three years, but if you had stayed married, you would have celebrated a rather monumental milestone.
It makes me kinda sad in a weird sort of way. Especially because the new neighbour asked me how long I’d been married to G and my answer was “well, uh…just over a year….” with like an awkward silence because that felt so weird and incomplete. I mean, how do you have 7 children, one of which is 19 years old, when you’ve only been married a year. How do you have a combined total of 37 years of marriage behind you, but you have to answer that you’ve only been married for 1 year, like a newlywed who has no idea what marriage looks like or works like.
I remember how my transition into this marriage was so much easier than my first marriage because I knew what to expect. I knew that marriage involves dishes and laundry and vacuuming the floors and putting kids to bed and breaking up fights and making school lunches and so on. There was none of the romanticized expectations this time around. I felt like I had 17 years of experience under my belt about how this works, which I did.
Which is why it feels so weird to say I’ve been married for a year.
And why it feels weird to know that on this day this would have been twenty years of marriage with my first husband.
While I am feeling the loss of a milestone with so much history and effort behind it, I am so glad that I am not celebrating 20 years today.
Instead I am taking time to reflect on how I have been saved from being married for 20 years to a man who did not treat me as a husband is to treat his wife. I am instead a woman who has been abundantly blessed to be married to a man who treats me like a queen, even if it’s only been for a year.
And that, my dear readers, is worth celebrating. But perhaps with a less fermented beverage.