Alright so we’re all moved in. I posted this to my instagram story three days after we got here..
The caption with the pic went along the lines of we were all moved in and I was now enjoying the sunset from the comfort of my new hot tub on the deck.
Does that not look so pretty?! Are we not all feeling how chill and happy I’m feeling?
Yeah. So that’s a lie.
I mean, my new house is gorgeous. The back yard is beautiful. The view from the back deck is stunning. We were unpacked, down to the pictures on the wall, in three days. And my depression and anxiety were running rampant.
Cue meta emotions!
(for an explanation of meta emotions see https://youcandothis.blog/2019/03/20/the-should-word/)
My mind and my heart weren’t doing so well..I was a wreck. So my brain decided to make things better by laying a guilt trip on me all about how I had this beautiful new place and why couldn’t I be happy and grateful and enjoy it instead of down and irritable and miserable inside…..very helpful.
It was pointed out to me by friends and family and the new neighbour that maybe I was a little bit crazy for having the whole house done in three days. And maybe I was a little bit exhausted and worn down. And maybe that was why I was struggling with my mental health (not the neighbour though, she didn’t know.)
I thought perhaps this might be possible. So I researched it.
I read that it’s probably true. I also read that people who struggle with anxiety tend to be extremely sensitive to new environments. New smells, new sights, new sounds, new people, and so on. Kinda makes sense.
I also decided a visit to my psychologist was in order. I went to see her and we started working on some of my anxiety triggers. Because even though I know why I’m struggling, and that things will get easier as I rest and recuperate, I also know that those root things will come up again. And I need to deal with them.
It would be so much easier to just sort of ignore it all and wait to feel better. But those unremitting little issues that make life seem so overwhelming aren’t going to go away just because I get caught up on some sleep.
So to therapy I go. Inwardly cringing because it’s gonna hurt, but also relieved and proud for being proactive in taking care of myself.
I hope this will inspire you to not just shove your stuff aside, but to confront it and be purposeful in your journey to take care of you.