Mother’s Day

Guys, I just went to pick up “Four” from his refereeing job at the local soccer field. And I did it in my slippers, with no make-up, with a ceramic mug full of tea in my hand. He wasn’t even properly embarrassed, even after I announced loudly I was there to watch him in my slippers!…..I’ve failed in my holy duties.

I don’t know how you spent your Mother’s Day this year, but I spent mine watching Two at a Track and Field competition in a nearby city. Yup, watching your 16-year-old throw around heavy objects and launch deadly spears into the air isn’t my idea of the best Mother’s Day ever. But then again, I haven’t exactly enjoyed Mother’s Day for the past 12 years. In fact I usually end up crying my way through it.

This year I made a new personal best by exclaiming ” I hate Mother’s Day!” and collapsing into G’s arms and sobbing, all before 9am.

It’s always been a hard day for me, because I spend all day thinking about my Daughter’s birth moms and how horrible this day is for them. I’m also grieving for my daughters, and friends, and the entire world full of women who have lost their mothers, have lost a child, or have given up on their dream of ever being a mother. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders for the day because empaths are particularly gifted at taking on stuff they don’t need to carry..

Now that I’m a step mom, the day is 100 times worse. I don’t know about other step moms out there, but there’s something about doing half the work of a mom, and getting little to no credit for it. I love those three extra boys of mine with my whole heart, but I will never get the love and affection and privilege of being their mom. It’s brutal!

And yes, I know I need to just deal with it and put a positive spin on it and be thankful I get to be their step mom and all that. I just never expected the huge amounts of jealousy I harbour towards their mother. That’s a new one I’m having to work through.

My oldest stepson, One, texted me on the morning of Mother’s Day from the other side of the world and wished me an awesome day and thanked me for all I do for him. He told me he loves me and can’t wait to see me when he gets back. He made my whole day and I told him so.

I am grateful for all my kiddos. I’m grateful that I have a relationship with each one of them. I’m grateful for my amazing mother who has gotten me through so much. I’m grateful that I get to watch my healthy, active, happy children grow up.

But man, every year I’m so glad when this one day on the calendar has passed.

H.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

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